Journey less walked by

So many years gone by, somewhere between doubts and hopes life went by. She looks back to see what was left behind; there was nothing just empty places with memories and deep bruised wounds. Lamentably she discovered all her loved ones has already left, they belong to a new world which she could never understand. She wanted to live and understand that world that place which always amazed her from far and disappointed her at the same time.

Does life comes up with multiple options; she just gave a thought, perhaps not. She grew up with a thought life has ineffable colours for all of us but as she began to open her eyes, life just  gave a black and white picture which stated you are just part of the herd and no one comes out alive without walking this path. What about those shattered dreams those hopes, would she bury them all or would she walk on the path where her dreams were waiting or this world will make her walk the roads which everyone walked.

She is fighting and struggling with every passing day to live her fairy tale. Still waiting… Would you kill her dreams or will you fight against all odds to create a story which remains immortal for us all. On which side you stand?

Ramnik Sandhu 

UNSPOKEN

COMMON MAN

Insecure, harassed, penny less with no hope in eyes

Waiting for a period of glory time just passes by.

You are not my leader you don’t deserve that crown

Looking at you people start to frown.

Raped, abused, murdered, turned puppet, looted

You want to say for you this job is best suited?

I’m not deaf I’m not blind though you try to fool with false pride

Empty pocket empty hands no food no shelter here I stand.

I don’t see a face whom I choose to be my fate

You yes you not you maybe I have more to wait

Won’t give up this time till I find the right

Soul who knows what duties and what are rights.

More to chase more to come

But I’m not done.

People gave blood to this land  

And you talk about snatching what they gave?

I’m old but not weak my words would haunt you after my death

Till you realize you gave misery sorrow and debt.

My entire wait proved to be a waste

What if not today tomorrow will be new dawn.

I would be history soon

Generations to come won’t choose the goon.

Crime, poverty, pain and misery is story of the day

But I’m the man of this land to make it a heavenly place.

Stand with ethical man of honor

So your rights are not cornered.

Story: Son that never was

jatinder sat in dark room with lights off, as usual watching his love’s photograph in the camera of mobile phone. All he use to do was getting lost in memories of old days, which were not there anymore but he could never accept the reality. shivani was no more in his life he kept on living with the memories that he spent six months back. His room was dark has his soul he never liked light, dark curtains door closed this was how his room was from last few months. he was not as jubilant as he was, he was not lively as before, not in good health he was a mere depressed soul since he departed from his love.parteek’s mom was widow her husband died when he was just 10 years old. Since then she raised her children. Elder daughter baljinder was married a year back and she was living in Mumbai. jatinder was from a small village of Punjab in sangrur.

Gurjit raised both her children well both of them were well educated and provided all the facilities a single mother could do. She had been working in mill in which her husband worked since her husband died she started working there. With all here saving s she married her daughter and now expected her son to help family with finances and to mange things at home. But things were turning out to be just exactly the opposite to what she thought. Her dreams shattered, she knew her son was no more like what he was,

One day gurjit was sitting in her room remembering old days, when her husband use to say to his brilliant son “my son would become engineer “ how jatinder was so fond of  playing with cars and planes. Suddenly a voice from the other room “can you hear me I want some money. Do you listen to me you are the worst mother.”  This was not the first time her son made her listen to this hundred times a day. “if you think you will get money for drugs its not going to happen.” This was the reality of her son, from whom she expected so much but he was just a drug addict who forgot all his duties. Since his break up he could never keep his mental health stable and ended up with evil drugs. Gurjit tried every little thing she could to make her son to live the life he use to six months back. Finally she decided, she thought now only place left for her son is rehabilitation centre.

She went to his room and said “son you are not leaving any option for me, I have decided you are not staying in this place anymore.” Next day gurjit packed his bags and sent him to rehabilitation centre with a hope that her son would be same as before. After leaving him there she came back home and was surprised to see her son saying “mom am back and would never hurt you ever again and will always take care of you, He would be a wonderful son.” But suddenly she opened her eyes and realized that it was just a dream. Days passed she never even gave a thought that she should go to visit him, she was sick of listening to same old things all he wanted was money for drugs. How could a mother let her son fall into hell? On the other hand place where jitender was spending his days was nothing less than hell. He was ill treated, beaten sometimes was made to starve. Two months had gone by. Finally she decided to see her son and she went with a positive attitude that her son must have changed.

She was happy and went with excitement, but what she saw broke her heart she was in tears. Her son was chained; he was not even allowed to move out of bed. He looked weak and pale. Gurjit couldn’t stop crying, it seemed like he never had good food and care. Her heart shattered seeing this. She took all his luggage and decided she won’t let her son die this way in life full of misery. She decided to take him back home. Both mother and son got back home. Jatinder had almost started hating her mother for what she did but of course he never understood a heart of mother. Though to some extent he was staying away from drugs, but still urge was there. Memory of his past love was alive in his heart. He was successful in overcoming this heart break.

Year passed this way, a mother was seeing her son sad state of mind since once year, still she had no idea what she should do that her son would smile again. There was nobody to support gurjit she was doing it all alone from office to home management to her son’s health and fighting drug addiction evil. Things continued in the same manner. Jitender kept on asking for money and drugs and she refused to offer him any money. What more a mother could do to save her own son. Nobody in society treated her mother in respectful manner every passer by just said “look her son is drug addict he does nothing a jobless fellow. What kind of mother is she? Maybe she dint raised her children well. All this was common and gurjit went through all this every day. But her son never realized her pain. He never tried to improve.

One day she was in her room watching television when she heard his son crying and shouting. She ran and went to his room, when she saw him she couldn’t control her emotions. She was helpless she could not see his pain. A son pleading for money it looked like he would die if he is not given money for drugs. Now a mother was helpless, this time she refused to be a cold hearted mother. She thought my son is in pain and if buying drugs once can make him feel relaxed I will do that. So she went to jeweler and sold all her jewels. She needed money for drugs. A mother refused to see tears in his son’s eyes. She was shattered and could not think of anything else. All her savings were spent, she had nothing left for her future all she had in her hand was salary she use to get. But she refused to worry about her all she wanted was her son, living with a hope her son is going stand by her side forever.

Days passed things continued in the same manner, a mother kept on fulfilling son’s wishes. She knew she was being the cause of slow death of her son she was letting him consume slow poison. But seeing her son cry and shout all day was not a option for her. Life was becoming more hopeless with every passing day but gurjit kept on thinking someday her son would be same as before. On the other hand jitender was falling into deeper hell losing sense to realize difference between good and bad. He was sad and depressed he lost all his to overcome this trauma.

Gurjit came back home at seven in the evening and she was surprised everything was quiet her son was no more shouting. She quickly ran to his room and she was delighted to see he made tea for himself and for his mother. she thought nothing on this earth can be more joy giving. Both of them had good talk ,did dinner together. Gurjit went to her room for sleeping, after long she thought she would have good sleep her son made her proud all her hard work and love for her son finally showed result.  She slept peacefully that night her son was not crying anymore.

In morning she went to his room to wake him up. She froze couldn’t utter a word almost fainted could not understand what has happened. “Dear mom I wanted to be a good son I wanted to see happiness in your eyes and I saw that yesterday, I was so jubilant to see you smiling. Am happy I saw you this way. Now I don’t have guilt I fulfilled your and my wish.”  This was the last message from her son. She crumbled the paper and started crying aloud. He was no more, dreams of a mother shattered. She was left all alone to die alone to live alone a pain was going to accompany all her life. If only word called alcohol and drugs never existed a son would have been a support of a lonely mother.

STORY: IDENTITY DEATH

It was the summer of 2009; youth festival was being conducted at national level where students from different colleges participated in the events. Youth festivals are meant to be enjoyable, best part of college life.shreya is a very good mimicry artist and she is known for that almost every college is well aware of her talent, she participates in festival every year , now that was the last time she was going to participate as this was her final year. Now it was just a farewell from college life. kavita and shreya had been friends from last two years, from the beginning of the college days. No doubt they were good friends but kavita always tried to imitate her as she was very popular in college she was beautiful, talented, good natured so people loved her for what she was.

As usual this time even shreya was the winner of mimicry competition and nobody ever had doubts to that let it be imitating salman, saif or kareena she was excellent in her talent.  Marriage Proposals for shreya was just a daily story lot of guys were just her fans. On the other hand kavita too was a pretty girl but yes not as popular as shreya. After one year or so she started to get feelings that shreya always over shadowed her so nobody gave much attention to kavita. She was ok with this fact but slowly things started to change and she felt jealous inside. Imitating her was one thing kavita was doing from past few months so that she could also be noticed by people around her but things were just not going the way she wanted. She ignored all this and kept on living her life with hope that she would also be popular.

Kavita knew she has to spend more time with Shreya as both of them got placement in same company. It was an advertising company in Delhi itself, now competition is tougher when it comes to promotion part and incentives everyone wants to perform best to gain the maximum. Problem was again the same Shreya’s popularity, she was considered much talented, now this thing had started to get on her nervous. All she knew was she had to get rid of it but dint knew how?  After office time kavita went to her place and kavita gave a suggestion for going to a trip for few days as job has been hectic and she agreed to it to it. Next morning they started for Shimla, Shimla is near to Delhi and is also a good place to relax.

It was weekend so they only had to take only two days off from office, four days to relax was a good plan for both of them. By evening they reached Shimla . After long time they had such time together and both of them enjoyed the moment with full and soul. Days passed it was almost one week but none of them did not join the office nor did they informed the boss. Things seemed to be strange, phones were unreachable, no contact. No option was left except for waiting. Both the families were worried about their children. Finally after two weeks shreya was back but kavita was not accompanied by her. Her mom went to her place to ask “beta where is kavita?” she explained the matter “aunty she is no more her foot slipped from the hill and she died, I could not do anything to save her. Iam sorry.” All of a sudden there was mourning in the air everybody stood quiet without uttering a word. Her family was in state of shock.

Shreya joined her office again after a week. Everyone noticed a change in her. She never seemed to be her. Shreya was a changed girl and nobody knew the cause why? Things continued this way, as the time passed people started to forget the incident. But somewhere people had a question in their minds “why she seemed to be different?” two years passed and kavita had just become a memory. Shreya often visited her friend’s place.

Shreya decided to change the organization and she went to Gurgaon as she got a new job there. Things were just going fine but Shreya had started to remain quiet she hardly use to talk to anyone, remained in her own thoughts most of the time. Her family and boyfriend was really concerned about the matter but she never said anything claiming that everything is fine and they are not suppose to worry about anything. Shreya was going to get married to her love in next few months. Family was all busy is in shopping and getting everything ready for the occasion. Though she never took much of interest in any of the activities.

Only two weeks were left for the marriage. Everyone was excited; even kavita’s family was also invited as both of them were best friends. Shreya use to come late from the office, one day she just came back and went to her room without having any word with her family members. That was strange but they thought it might be work stress. It was late 2 in the night, and a sound grabbed everyone’s attention but what was it?

Family checked their daughter’s room and they found it. Now they knew why that sound. Shreya’s younger brother read a note which was laying on the bed it says “I want to be me, and this is not me. I never knew life can be so harsh. I was never shreya I could never be her. I tried all my life to be her but now when iam her I don’t want to. How can I get rid of this? Only answer I had was its not possible anymore. I became popular iam a known face but this is not me. You want to know who this is? This is kavita aunty I killed your daughter to be in her role. I wanted that love, fame everything that she had. I was wrong I don’t want this. But when I realized it it was too late, everything was gone too far and was not possible to bring it back. I killed kavita not shreya, she is still alive in me but all I see is “DEATH OF AN IDENTITY” I took two lives I don’t recognize who I was? Give my message to mom and dad that I love them and I miss being their daughter. doctors  changed my face but not my heart. Now I see what kavita had which shreya never had. I want to die as me. I lived as dead in front of my eyes all these years.i lack the courage to live anymore”

Both the families were not able to able to come out of the shock. But everybody knew nobody can love anyone more than themselves. Kavita just proved it right. Sometimes life can be challenging but its all yours.

STORY: NEVER WANTED THIS

As soon as we are born, every single person has planned something for us. So was the case with me, as iam no different from the rest of the world two eyes and one mouth. When I was little child I dint knew much about life or maybe what we call is decision, for me everything which comes should be accepted with open hands. I knew this well, but as I started to grow up and my senses to feel this world and people around me was much high as compared to what I was from as I small kid. Of course iam no exceptional case everyone in their life mature with their growing age.

At times I was made to think that maybe to be kid is so simple, when you just know the world well, only word that comes to your mind is “EVIL”. So moving further I was happy to go to the school which my parents chose for me. I never had any complain; from school to the dresses i wore they chose everything. Never had a chance to even make a choice nor did my family or people around me ever asked “ Metali is this you want, or maybe something else?” now all that was just a dream to think about that they would ask. I grew up this way, but I never felt any major reason to be sad or to think iam not in too good of a situation. Things just went on. For the first time in my life I felt bad, bad is a small word it was worse. Reason was my family never let me took arts as s subject as they wanted me to become a doctor. Doctor was the last profession I would want to go in, but as I said as soon as you are born everything is pre decided. We are still lucky that guy to be married is not decided with your birth.  Thing that I lacked was courage, I couldn’t say, I was too quiet too everything and accepted whatever came my way.

On the other hand my friend Nikhil had lot of courage. I knew him from quiet sometime now, he was my classmate since class 6^th. From those days he carried his life the way he wanted to, to be afraid of something was not his cup of tea. I always wished if I could be like him but I wasn’t.  There was no doubt that my family and close ones were not very fond of me spending time with Nikhil, just like typical Hindi movies they hated me. The moment I use to rebel about something and then goes the dialogue “all because of her stupid company, from day one all of us knew he is not a good guy.” I never got angry about it; it was rather too funny to handle at times. He was never welcomed to my place; I never even dared to call him up. I don’t want him dead with all sort of “amritvani” by my family.

Usual routine continued. I was doing boring MBBS now as my family wanted me to; every day I felt like I was being slaughtered and people around me holds that big butcher’s knife. Did I have any option, I don’t think so. Along with all this one more thing was just killing me inside, my friend Nikhil was in love with sofie, one of our batch mates, it was ok, but somewhere inside I knew I like him and would love to spend my life with him. Again I never had courage to say anything, though I knew I have been losing all my life because I was a coward.  Nikhil decided to marry his girlfriend and he did after completing MBBS and was a doctor in a hospital just like I was. After that we hardly had time for each other and we hardly use to meet each other. Still my family and friends were happy about this fact. I was married to vishu, he was an engineer in Delhi. I never liked his company a lot but accepting the truth he was my life partner now. All of us know when it comes arrange marriage nobody is much interested to know your choice. I kept on living with same pace, I felt like I was born to be slave a coward slave. I can’t say anything don’t wish for anything, I just do what iam expected to do.  One thing I was clear about was my children won’t be like me and I raised them in best possible way to make them the most bold who have enough will to face the world. Both Neha and Arun were bold. And they did everything in life what they wanted to. Iam happy I did one thing which made me happy though for my children but still there is a feeling of satisfaction that I did.

Lying on a hospital bed, iam 75 now I just close my eyes and I can picture everything from being a little kid, a school girl, college life, my love Nikhil, my marriage kids. I just have one line “everything could have been something different only if I had the courage to stand up for myself.” Never forget to try in life or else you will end up your life with every possible regret. I learned to fight for your life is not a bad choice cause when you know everyone would come and go and your soul is the only one who will live with you from the day of birth to death. All I know is “I NEVER WANTED THIS.” Maybe in next life I would be a better human as I have learned something in this life.

QUOTE

STORY:DIFFERENCE

Aruna has been my friend from childhood days, just like me her father was also serving the nation being in defense services. She was a pretty girl with a very polite nature; she is never among the people who would hurt someone. All she cared about all the time was, she should not be the cause of unhappiness for anyone from family to friends she cared about everyone. Not that she gained this kind of maturity as a grown up, fact is she has been like this from childhood days. This was the one major reason why everyone was so much in love with her, obviously she was magnificent. Every soul in the world is not born to be so. Some qualities are inbuilt and all of us were well aware of this fact.

Apart from being a nice human being what made her special was her jubilant nature. I still remember her dialogue “ shivali kamini tu hamesha kamini hi rahegi sudhar ja.” Of course she hardly called me with name all she said every time was “kamini”. We had lot of fun since school days. We have been together from school days, and then decided to take admission in same college. So knowing each other from such long time had made us very close to each other. Aruna had 2 younger brothers, only thing was they pretended to be much more elder than her and sophisticated. My father and her dad were posted in Kashmir and we lived in family quarters in Jammu. Going for movies, hanging out and doing all sort of masti was best part of our friendship. At times things use to turn ugly, you can understand moms, both of them use to get angry if we ever reached home late. We could well understand that’s what moms are all about.

Life could be so beautiful wt times, that’s what me and aruna use to feel about life. We were never among the negative souls.  From college days aruna use to have big time aashiq I mean admirer. Raj was like fan of her beauty, he did every possible thing to impress her. Not that our friend dint have crush on him, she always wanted raj to be her boyfriend, but it takes courage to do so, aruna was one meek girl so proposing a guy was not her cup of tea. Though me and aruna knew that raj will never refuse. Things continued this way for long time and finally in third year raj proposed aruna for marriage. Now marriage was a strange offer, but raj was a from rich business class family so career for a girl was never a important matter, infact it was like they don’t like girl working. I was of thought she should not take decision that quick. As we say when it comes to love people go blind. Both of decided to get married after finishing the college, still parents of raj were not very happy but they wanted their son to be happy so they accepted the proposal.

For whole one year raj and aruna spent maximum time in knowing each other well. According to aruna raj was the best guy and she loves to be with him. Maybe she was right ,in the core of my heart I had doubt but I think that was not the best time to say about such intuitions. After graduation she got married to him, I enjoyed a lot at their marriage. After marriage she use to call me often and told all the stories and things about her new life. With time I noticed some change, call reduced, and her enthusiasm too. I wondered  for days than I thought maybe she is busy with her life. So now I was pretty much use to it. Things went on like this for 1 year. Situation was going to change.

I knew something is wrong but I never wanted to be the disturbing element in her life. As I expected she was not in her normal tone, she told me how frustrated she has been, reason behind was something I never thought of.  As raj was from rich family they had habit of spending lot of money on every occasion let it be Diwali or Holi, but Aruna’s family could not afford that much of money for expensive gifts, for these reasons her family was looked down upon. For every small reason Aruna was made to feel small and her family to be inferior. This were the things that made her married life uncomfortable, not that she wanted to end this marriage, but it was not working very well. All these things happened very frequently. One day aruna went home and when she came back raj’s family asked “dint they give you any money or gifts.” She was shocked but that’s where the real difference was. Now Aruna realized her mistake.

She kept on thinking maybe she did something wrong. “I should I have never married this guy, even if they don’t want to hurt me their lifestyle hits effects my family.” Aruna told me this on phone and she was right. After all when people say you have to be very strong when you get married in family with triple the status which you have. But now it was not possible to change anything. So everything remained same one more year passed. But her jubilant nature was not the same, lost patience, worried. She ended up with depression. I tried to make her understand but she was too sensitive to get things in right manner. I thought with time things would be ok. Every second day she felt hurt and broken and she had kept on living in the same manner.

On Monday night raj came back from office and saw something which was almost impossible for him to believe. A cold dead body with suicide note next to it. This says “I could not take this insult anymore. I feel guilty every second for putting my family in such situation. They tried their level best but failed to match the standards. Iam sorry please forgive me. I loved you and I still do, but today I realized some things are above love and they will be. I LOVE YOU.” It was late night, so raj never moved took her body in his arms and sat still all night long. The fact she was dead was discovered in early hours of morning.  Nobody could believe their eyes, why even she did this? Questions remained unanswered and sadness prevails. People go memories stay.

Aruna will always stay in our heart. And her experience taught me what mistake I should not be committing. I feel I was wrong when i never made my friend understand that maybe this is not the best guy. Somewhere in my heart I knew this but failed to save a life. Every experience of life comes up with a new lesson. Again I say she was a pretty girl if only I could turn was into is………