STORY: IN SEARCH OF HAPPINESS

                                      In search of happiness

Cold chilling winter nights which always irritated me as I never liked winters. Sitting in blanket all day long and doing nothing total waste of time. Most of my time was spent in my room sitting alone and listening to music, all my room contained was a bed, music system, and my dear laptop. Three things were enough for me. Helping mom in the household work was another task that I use to perform very often though it was followed by a big lecture called amritvani by mom, as she never liked the way I used to work. She had her own style of managing home etc. nothing new about it this was ususal and I was very use to it. Apart from this I kept on watching dad roaming from one room to another as he recently got retired from his job and got bored at home all day long. One sentence that he use to keep on repeating was iam getting bored suggest something. This was how my day use to pass at home other then this was college and assignments in fact I would say this was only left in my life. Life seemed to be stagnant. I always use to remain lost in my own world of thoughts out of 24 hours in a day I spent atleast ten in just thinking on thing or the other.

By every passing day I was seeing the changes in me, I was looking for happiness I wanted to do anything to be happy but sad part I wasn’t. had become a emotional fool , every little happening of life was disturbing me.  I kept on thinking why a particular thing happened. This routine continued over the years. Other then this I was enjoying my last year of graduation that was the best part. Sitting in canteen and having fun. I remember my teachers always kept on yelling at me why your assignments are never on time and if I submitted them on time they were not even worth looking at, but I never bothered about these little things to irritate teacher at times can be real fun. Lot of times I was even thowrn out of the class. And I use to come outside and say bach gye bakwaas lecture se. I spent most of time to think how can I escape this silly project, how boring they are.anshu and chris were my best friends from school days. They often came to my place and we use to have fun . we spent hours talikg to each other . Anshu always had one advice for me yaar ek boyfriend to bna le sheetal itna sa nai kar skti. We always had long discussion s on this but at the end useless. They always said why even we waste time telling you when we know its not going to happen.chris was very good guitar player me and anshu use to enjoy a lot while he use to play guitar. Summer of 69 was our best number. Best part was anshu and her nautanki after vodka shots that was use to be wonderful. Nothing could have been more funny then this.

Getting up in the morning for college has always been a huge task for me because of sleepless nights . night was spent in thinking and class was used for sleeping. I did this for three long years of college. All I was looking for was satisfaction. I felt sad at times that why iam not happy from my life what iam looking  for I even had no idea what I want. Days passed and I kept on following the same routine. Until I found a new friend . friend on facebook though my friends chris and anshu warned me thousands time not to trsut social networking sites. Sahil became very good friend of mine in little time, I was behaving like a typical teenager waiting for messages on facebook or chatting for hours online. It came as a surprise but I discovered that I was getting attracted towards him never felt happy like this ever before. Finally, after six months we shared our phone numbers chats through SMS had become a daily story. Sahil was also from delhi so was i. what a great feeling it was wow that I can also meet him anytime I want what else I could have asked for. Sahil’s father had expired when he was only six and he told me that how his mother raised three children  I always had sympathy for his family for the situation they had been in. ibm was the organization where sahil was working as a software engineer. At that point of time I had started working as a freelancer for a newspaper in delhi itself.

Intimacy between us was increasing with every passing day , he was the one with whom I wanted to spend my entire life with. But I never had the courage to tell him this fact and about my growing feelings for him. call from sahil “ hey! Can we meet please iam desperate to meet you say yes or no “. I thought wow! This was one moment I had been waiting for. Me and sahil made a plan to meet on Sunday  at India gate in the evening. Sahil wa right on time that impressed me all the more. Oh man!  He looked amazing in red T-shirt  and blue jeans I thought mast lag raha hai yaar. “ hello how are you and you look gorgeous “ said sahil, hmmmm! I was happy to hear that. We talked for hours discussing family and career etc but that was fun. Our first meeting was no doubt too good. Often we started talking on phone, long calls at night it was a wonderful feeling. We again met each other after a month but this time for a movie. DEV D I was waiting for this movie to release , excitement to watch movie and meet sahil was amazing. I remember that was the first time that sahil kissed me during that movie. That feeling was heavenly making me get more closer to him. first kiss of my life ohhh! I can never forget that moment. But it was just not about kiss what made that day special was marriage proposal from him. life couldn’t have been better then this.

Feeling of being on the top world  was too good, I felt there is happiness all around. Maybe this was what I was looking for in so many years. I finally found someone who makes me feel complete. I was helping mom in household then ever before , but that doesn’t mean I also started making projects noways.situation of assignments and grades was same as before. My graduation was also about to complete in next few months. That period of my life was  when I felt yes there is a level of satisfaction which was never there before. One moment I have been waiting for. Happiness from the core of my heart it felt great. One important thing that I relized was that “ how essential its to be happy ourself in order to make others happy. Earlier I was never successful in making others happy because from inside I was broken, but now I did that job pretty well. Things continued this way for a year my graduation was also over I was happy until I discovered that I was being cheated.

It was hard for me to believe that is it true? Somebody really did played with my emotions?  I came to knew this through shilpa , she was friend of sahil from past six years. Explaining me “ sahil don’t believe in love you are not his only girlfriend”. I was broke to hear this. I was so lost I dint even knew how I should I react to this situation never had the courage to call sahil and ask. With heavy heart I just sent a text, and of course as expected I never got the reply back. That was the last text to him. after that we never had any talk in life  again.  Problem was I wasn’t ready to except that fact I have been cheated. Life was again on same track same routine, spending most of  time in office or in my room. I had started working in a IT company as a content writer. Drinking was quite often, getting drunk and sleeping was my favourite as it gave me freedom from thoughts.  It was not I never tried to overcome but I fialed. I dis thousand to keep myself engaged but memories kept on haunting me. Peace of mind was missing somewhere. My friends were always their to support me and they did lot to keep me happy but all in vain. I laughed with friends spent quality time, but I knew I was dying inside. Anshu introduced me to one of her friends vivek. He has always been interested in me though I kept on ignoring. Days passed me anshu, chris palned a holiday to shimla, and yeds a was badly in need of a holiday. Even vivek accompanied us on the trip. Slowly he became my friend. He was not a bad guy as I earlier thought. Two words in which I could describe vivek was “decent man” he was working as a PRO in a advertising agency. We friends had fun in shimla, change after a long time. Coming back I again had to join office uff! I hate office, but don’t have lot of option so I joined office again coming back from shimla.

Two years passed I was stuck in same old routine and remained quite irritated all the time, my family hated me for this. In these years vivek had also became my good friend. Four of us often went for outings. But still I knew this not the happiness iam looking for. Iam still incomplete and broken. But I was use to it now. On Saturday night chris me and Anshu planned for disc, as I loved spending time there. Disc always gave me freedom from endless thoughts. There came a gentleman with red rose in hand saying “ I love you will you marry me I will do everything to make you happy’ “ I couldn’t believe my ears vivek said all this to me in front so many people. I liked him. and I thought that’s great iam happy. He is perfect.  My answer to this proposal “NO I CANT”. I came back home locked my room standing still with emptiness all around. I was broken. Question still remained unanswered “AM I HAPPY”?