STORY: NEVER WANTED THIS

As soon as we are born, every single person has planned something for us. So was the case with me, as iam no different from the rest of the world two eyes and one mouth. When I was little child I dint knew much about life or maybe what we call is decision, for me everything which comes should be accepted with open hands. I knew this well, but as I started to grow up and my senses to feel this world and people around me was much high as compared to what I was from as I small kid. Of course iam no exceptional case everyone in their life mature with their growing age.

At times I was made to think that maybe to be kid is so simple, when you just know the world well, only word that comes to your mind is “EVIL”. So moving further I was happy to go to the school which my parents chose for me. I never had any complain; from school to the dresses i wore they chose everything. Never had a chance to even make a choice nor did my family or people around me ever asked “ Metali is this you want, or maybe something else?” now all that was just a dream to think about that they would ask. I grew up this way, but I never felt any major reason to be sad or to think iam not in too good of a situation. Things just went on. For the first time in my life I felt bad, bad is a small word it was worse. Reason was my family never let me took arts as s subject as they wanted me to become a doctor. Doctor was the last profession I would want to go in, but as I said as soon as you are born everything is pre decided. We are still lucky that guy to be married is not decided with your birth.  Thing that I lacked was courage, I couldn’t say, I was too quiet too everything and accepted whatever came my way.

On the other hand my friend Nikhil had lot of courage. I knew him from quiet sometime now, he was my classmate since class 6^th. From those days he carried his life the way he wanted to, to be afraid of something was not his cup of tea. I always wished if I could be like him but I wasn’t.  There was no doubt that my family and close ones were not very fond of me spending time with Nikhil, just like typical Hindi movies they hated me. The moment I use to rebel about something and then goes the dialogue “all because of her stupid company, from day one all of us knew he is not a good guy.” I never got angry about it; it was rather too funny to handle at times. He was never welcomed to my place; I never even dared to call him up. I don’t want him dead with all sort of “amritvani” by my family.

Usual routine continued. I was doing boring MBBS now as my family wanted me to; every day I felt like I was being slaughtered and people around me holds that big butcher’s knife. Did I have any option, I don’t think so. Along with all this one more thing was just killing me inside, my friend Nikhil was in love with sofie, one of our batch mates, it was ok, but somewhere inside I knew I like him and would love to spend my life with him. Again I never had courage to say anything, though I knew I have been losing all my life because I was a coward.  Nikhil decided to marry his girlfriend and he did after completing MBBS and was a doctor in a hospital just like I was. After that we hardly had time for each other and we hardly use to meet each other. Still my family and friends were happy about this fact. I was married to vishu, he was an engineer in Delhi. I never liked his company a lot but accepting the truth he was my life partner now. All of us know when it comes arrange marriage nobody is much interested to know your choice. I kept on living with same pace, I felt like I was born to be slave a coward slave. I can’t say anything don’t wish for anything, I just do what iam expected to do.  One thing I was clear about was my children won’t be like me and I raised them in best possible way to make them the most bold who have enough will to face the world. Both Neha and Arun were bold. And they did everything in life what they wanted to. Iam happy I did one thing which made me happy though for my children but still there is a feeling of satisfaction that I did.

Lying on a hospital bed, iam 75 now I just close my eyes and I can picture everything from being a little kid, a school girl, college life, my love Nikhil, my marriage kids. I just have one line “everything could have been something different only if I had the courage to stand up for myself.” Never forget to try in life or else you will end up your life with every possible regret. I learned to fight for your life is not a bad choice cause when you know everyone would come and go and your soul is the only one who will live with you from the day of birth to death. All I know is “I NEVER WANTED THIS.” Maybe in next life I would be a better human as I have learned something in this life.